


Coming Out of the Closet Isn't Easy (Especially when the door is nailed shut).

by galacticCannibal22



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Age Difference, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, F/M, Female Homosexuality, Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Self-Harm, Sollux is gay, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violence, but wont admit it, sexuality shaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 22:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2126808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticCannibal22/pseuds/galacticCannibal22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux knew he was different from the start. It wasn't hard to see how, but why was a different story. People call him gay all the time in a teasing matter. He knows what ‘gay’ means, obviously; it is when someone liked the same sex. However, he never thought himself to be gay. No one here was gay. Well wait, maybe Kanaya. She won’t say anything, but you know. He's had a girlfriend before…but the two of them just didn’t work. Both of them are still friends, but he hasn’t had another girlfriend since. Sollux just didn't understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> im trash this is trash  
> cries

Your books fall to the ground in a big heap, knocked from your hands by the assholes who like to torment you day in and day out. Groaning, you bend down, trying to scoop the heap into a close enough bundle so you could pick them up; just a normal school day morning for you, no big deal. When you finally have the books and papers safe in your arms, there’s a tap at your shoulder that scares the living shit out of you.

“Yo, Capto- Oh shit, sorry!” The voice speaks as you completely drop your books, _again._

You sigh angrily, squatting back down and go through the whole process of picking up your books. The person, who so happens to be you utter-most best friend in the world, Karkat Fucking Vantas, bends down as well, trying to help. This is weird because you’re sure he could give less of a fuck about helping you. Oh well. In the process of picking up your books, you had reached for a certain piece of paper; Karkat apparently had his sight on the piece too, reaching for it as well. Your hands seemed to meet in the middle, his hand practically landing on top of yours. Your face burned bright red as you realized what just happened, butterflies roundhouse kicking the inner walls of your stomach. You jerk away from him, as if his touch burned the skin of your hand.

Grumbling, you scoop up the rest of your stuff, standing back up. You know for fact Karkat is giving you a look but you cannot bear to mien at him right now. “Thank’th.” You mumble, starting to walk away. Hearing him get up and start following you makes you walk faster, trying hard to avoid conversation. It doesn’t help when he reaches out and grabs the collar of your old t-shirt, yanking you backwards and to a stop.

“Where the _fuck_ do you think you’re going?” Karkat seethes, keeping you at rest.

“To cla’th, like I’m thuppothed to,” You gulp, gripping the books to your chest tightly, “like _we’re_ thuppothed to.” You add.

His grip on your shirt loosens and you thank whatever heavens because now you can breathe. Karkat spins you around however, so you have to deal with his unruly glare. You are two inches taller than he is, so you look down a bit through you glasses to see him clearly.

His unkempt black hair is even wilder today than ever, tanned skin glowing strikingly in the lighting. His bright red eyes are glaring daggers through your two-toned glasses, making you feel naked. The soft look of his light pink lips makes you bite the inside of your mouth a bit. Karkat’s trademark black sweater fits nicely to his form, and if he moves quite the right way, you can see the slight muscle showing through the fabric. Your cheeks are heating up again, because wow, he is the cutest thing you have ever seen. Wait, no. That was gay. You're not gay.

“You’re blushing. Why?” Karkat’s question snaps you back into reality.

“It’th hot.”

“It’s 45 degrees outside, it’s not hot.”

“It’th hot in here.”

“Dude, the fucking thermostat says 72. What’s wrong with you?” 

“Allergie’th.”

Karkat gives you the ‘I-hate-you-so-much-god-dammit-you-stupid-fuck-why-are-you-so-difficult’ look. You throw in an awkward smile, hoping he’d quit interrogating you. He releases your shirt, crossing his arms. At this point, you realize that the halls are completely empty and that you have missed at least 10 minutes of your class. _Fucking **great.** _

After a few more moments of silence, Karkat speaks up. “Wanna skip with me?” You bite your lower lip, thinking things over. You’re supposed to be in history, and you hate that class…Mrs. Serket isn’t the most helpful and exciting teachers in the world. She has a habit of lecturing everyone to death with stupid topics. However, you are a good student, perfect attendance since kindergarten, all A’s since you could even make a grade. Maybe you shouldn’t skip.

Oh, what the hell.

“Th’ure. Why not?”

\------------------------

Karkat balances on the railroad track, arms stretched out beside him. You trail behind him, looking over your shoulder every two seconds to see if anyone was coming after you both. The two of you, well Karkat, choose an abandoned train station that is in the middle of the woods to hang out. There are broken beer bottles, trash and god knows what else here. You can tell he comes to this place a lot, for the simple fact he has his own hideout inside one of the boxcars, filled with his stuff.

“Kk…” You start, looking up at him, having to squint because of the blistering sun shining light in your eyes; stupid sun, being so bright but leaving the Earth so goddamn cold. Useless fucker.

“What now, Captor?” He replies, not even turning to look at you.

“Thould we even be here? I mean there’th a thign that thay’th no trea-“

“Dude, chill the fuck out. I come here like- all the damn time. Stop throwing a shit tantrum and shut the fuck up.”

“But the thign-“

“The sign can kiss my sorry little ass.”

You scowl, shoving your hands in your jacket pockets, kicking at the loose wooden boards. Karkat jumps down from the railing and faces you. “Follow me; I wanna show you something bat-shit crazy awesome.”

“Bat-thit…crazy awethome…”

“Don’t question me and come on.” He grabs your wrist and yanks you with him. He’s practically dragging you, because your skinny legs aren’t fast enough to keep up with him. Being dragged isn’t really fun, your shoes keep scuffing the ground, causing mulch and dirt to fly up in your own face. He is pulling you pretty hard, heading for the woods for some reason. You try to break free of his grasp, but he only grips you harder.

Karkat stops abruptly, practically tossing you into the ground by letting go of your wrist. “You know, you could jutht athk me to follow you. I mean, being dragged ith fun and all but, I’d like to be able to walk on my own and not have my own arm be yanked from my body.” You say; pushing yourself off the ground, spitting out dirt.

“You hesitated.”

“Kk really-“

“I got impatient.”

“Oh my god, I hate you.”

“Nah man, you love me.”

You choke, looking at him flabbergasted. He raises his eyebrows and starts snickering, you don’t know if he’s being serious and laughing _at_ you- or joking around and laughing _with_ you. You try letting out some awkward giggles but it just makes you feel even worse. When Karkat is finished having a laughing fit, he wipes tears from his eyes and grabs your wrist again.

“Oh god that was great. Your face was so hilarious. I think I might have broken something from laughing so hard.” He says, trying to calm down.

“I uh…what?” You stumble, trying to figure out what just happened.

“Dude, stop thinking so much into it, it’s not fucking rocket science. It was a joke.”

“Oh.”


	2. Karkat's Lame Hideout Turns Cool

In the end, you find out that Karkat was taking you to an old tree house, one he spends some time in. You thought his secret place was the old boxcar; turns out you were wrong. The boxcar is his second hideout, and decoy. The tree house is where he really goes, and you’re surprised he’s showing you these things because he’s a really _secretive person who hates sharing his feelings_. That was pretty much his life story right there.

The tree house is actually rather cool; it has sodas and alcohol (which Karkat insisted you have), and a lot of beanbag chairs and blankets. Also, a portable TV that apparently doesn’t need a cord. Karkat has a stack of movies in the corner, but from here, you can tell that they are all sappy rom-coms. Ew.

You are sitting in a bright red beanbag, and Karkat is sitting in a blue one right next to you. While you are sipping at the beer he shoved in your hand, he is chugging down cans like no tomorrow. You have found out that he has high tolerance to the drink; you however, are feeling buzzed and light headed just from taking sips of it. He looks over at you and laughs, tossing another empty can across the floor. You stare at him, trying to understand how he can drink so much but not be drunk out of his mind.

Maybe it is in his blood or something, his dad is an alcoholic. You’re a little worried for your friend, feeling like he is following the path his father has. Slick, as his dad insists everyone call him, terrifies you. He has one arm and one eye, how does that even happen when you are a “sales clerk.” Sales clerk your ass, you know what he really does. Your dad works with him. You finish the can and grab another one.

By now, your cheeks are flushed and your head is all fuzzy, but you’re not even done with your second can. You can see yourself as an emotional drunk, however, because right now, you suddenly feel depressed and clingy. Kind of a bit aroused. It’s weird and you hate (like) it.

You find yourself scooting closer to your best friend, but he is too busy opening another can to notice. When he does notice, you are way too close for comfort, breathing right in his ear. He tenses up as you place your own can down and wrap your arms around his shoulders. You have no idea what you are doing, but it seems right.

Karkat turns his head, an expression of confusion and worry plastered all over his face. You find your eyes staring downward, looking at the soft lips just inches from your own. You’ve never kissed someone before, no one has ever really wanted to kiss you. You kind of understand that a bit, because of your braces and all. Also that you a _massive nerd_.

You can feel Karkat’s hot breath on your lips; it smelt of beer and something else, something sweet. Your pants grow a little tight at the sensation, a weird feeling growing in your stomach. Before you know it, your lips are touching his, gently. He makes a surprised sound, but doesn’t jerk away or anything. After a minute or two, he starts pressing back, actually kissing you rather than just sitting there.

You’re freaking out on the inside, because one, you are kissing a _boy_. It’s so _wrong_ but it feels so _right_. Two, he’s somehow gotten you aroused just by being here. Moreover, three, **_he is kissing back_**. Your heart flutters a bit, the arms around his shoulders moving to wrap around his neck. Karkat’s hands are resting on your waist, and sliding lower for every second that pasts. The kiss that started out slow and simple was growing more violent and needy. The alcohol must have finally gotten into Karkat’s system, because his hands are gripping your hips tight, thumbs rubbing circles.

Your lips are sliding against his greedily, and he starts leaning more forward, forcing you backwards. Finally, your back is pressing against the beanbag chair underneath you, and Karkat’s found his way over top of you. If you weren’t buzzed out of your mind and not enjoying this all too much, you’d laugh, because wow, you’re making out in a tree house and on top of beanbag chairs. It sounds like this would happen in some cheesy porno.


	3. Things That Once Went Well Turn To Complete Shit

Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling his hips closer to yours. He grinds his hips against yours a bit, continuing to stick his tongue down your throat; not that you have a problem with that. You don’t. You start grinding back, letting out a soft mewl. When you really get into it, Karkat jerks and yanks himself back, wiping his mouth and panting. You sit up, using your elbows for support. He’s looking at you funny, a scared expression almost. You frown, chest heaving. Your pants are still tight, but you have a feeling that you won’t be taking them off.

 “What’th the matter with you?” You ask, cheeks on fire.

Karkat’s mouth parts to speak but then closes again. It takes a long time for him to finally say anything, but you wait. Plus, the sentence he spills out isn’t what you wanted to hear at all.

“I’m not gay.” He chokes.

You furrow your eyebrows, “Then what the fuck wath all that?”

“I uh…I don’t know.” He sounds terrified, it’s pissing you off.

“You don’t know…”

“I’m serious.”

You scoff, sitting up a bit more. He scoots back.

“Listen, bro. I’m sorry, I am. But…I’m not gay. I shouldn’t have kissed you…but…but I did. I’m sorry.” Karkat squeaks out, red cheeks starting to dull in color. You frown more and look away.

“Sollux…”

Your eyes snap back to glare at him, he looks confused and nervous.

“Are…are _you_ gay?”

You know what ‘gay’ means, obviously; it is when someone liked the same sex. However, you never thought yourself to be gay. No one here was gay. Well wait, maybe Kanaya. She won’t say anything, but you know. You’ve had a girlfriend before…but the two of you just didn’t work. Both of you are still friends, but you haven’t had another girlfriend since.

You live in a church town; everything is Christian. You can’t go anywhere in this place without seeing the word ‘Church’ or ‘God’. You don’t believe in either. Your family is Jewish, but no one has given them crap. _So far_. Being gay just didn’t exist here. It didn’t exist in your family. So no, you have never thought yourself to be gay.

But now, you’re questioning yourself.

“Sollux?” Karkat snaps you back into reality. You blink at him, letting out a deep sigh.

“I’m not sure.” You state, looking downward.

“You’re not sure? Bro, you can tell me-“

“I thaid _I’m not fucking sure_ , okay? Let me figure it out on my own.” You hiss, standing up.

“Ok.” He whispers.


	4. Dirty bars and Stinky bikers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i imagined the bar to be like CBGB OMFUG lol
> 
> dave and jade are sexy bartenders

You didn’t come home that night. You walked around town. You think that you couldn’t face your father if you came into contact with him. The school must have alerted him of you absence. Another reason why you can’t go home. You felt like you’ve done something terribly wrong. However, at the same time it felt right. You enjoyed it. Loved it. Wanted more of it.

It disgusts you.

It started raining by the time you made it past the County Line, now a few miles away from home. Your clothes are soaked within minutes, water running down your skinny legs. Raindrops keep falling onto your glasses, making it hard to see. You have nothing to wipe them on.

After another five minutes or so, you make it to a small bar. Yet, from here, you can see that it’s packed and rowdy. Good. No one will notice or pay attention to you.

As you walked closer, the more alcohol you smelt. The more music you heard. The more vomit you saw.

There’s an open sign hanging from the front window, the ‘e’ no longer lit up. Wires held it up. The door was red, the paint chipping off of it, and as you grabbed the handle, you realized the whole thing was greasy too.  It made you remember how much of a slob the human race was. When you opened the door, the sound of music deafened you immediately.  Old 90s Rock. Perfect.

The sight in front of you wasn’t promising. Drunk men, falling over. Women with barely any clothes. An occasional asshole trying to grind on people who didn’t want someone to grind with. Some bigger folks and bikers sitting at the bar, harassing the two bartenders. One of them was buff, and wore aviator shades. His blonde hair looked white in the horrible lighting. The other was female; she had long black hair and circled glasses. Even from here, you could see the beautiful shade of green her eyes turned out to be.

You walked over there slowly, careful to watch out for the dancing horde. You made it through the crowd in at least a minute, ruffled and sticky.  The male bartender raised his eyebrow at you, or at least you think he did. You can’t tell where he is looking.

“Yo, bro. You okay?” He said. Well, maybe he is looking at you.

“I’m…” You were out of breath, “I’m fine.”

He didn’t say anything after that, just motioned for you to sit in the stool in front of him.  You sat. The female bartender struts up, cleaning a glass with an old rag. “Wow! You look a bit rough! Need a drink?” She gave you a bright, happy smile, overbite shining.

“Whoa, now. Jade, Honey, I know you’re trying to do your job, but this guy looks only around fifteen.”

Jade’s face fell slightly, as if she was really excited about fixing you a drink. “I’m, seventeen.” You say.

“Damn son, I was close.”

“Not really.”

Jade looked from you to the guy, putting the ‘cleaned’ glass down and tossing the rag over her shoulder. “Hey Dave…”

Dave didn’t even look at her as he took an order and starting mixing up a drink, his hands flying in every which direction, pulling bottles from shelf to shelf. “Daaaave.”

He still didn’t answer.

“Daaaaaavvvve!!!”

He finished the drink by putting a lemon on the rim of the glass, passing it to the thirsty customer.

“No.”

Jade pouted, a man yelling at her for some strawberry drink. She instantly grabbed a glass and started making it, still looking at Dave with a childish expression. She finished making it in under 8 seconds, passing it down the counter. “He looks thirsty and tired. Come on.”

“Jade, it’s against the law.”

“You hate the law!”

“I’m not serving a minor.”

“Daaaavvvve!”

“Jaaaaaddde!”

They acted like children. You loved it.


	5. Apple Juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRRRRRRRY THAT IT IS SO SHORT OMG BUT HERE  
> TAKE IT

“Could I ju'tht have water?” You interrupted their arguing. Jade and Dave just looked at you, dumbfounded, as if they have never heard of water before.  

“Water?” Dave asked, blond eyebrows knitting together.  He turned and looked at his coworker, unsure what to say. “I don’t think it would be safe to drink water here.”

“Oh no! No! Water is bad, this kind anyway. Unless you want to get sick, I’d suggest alcohol, but, you’re a minor.” Jade added.

You sighed, “Ok…i'th there anything elthe?”

Dave hummed lightly and stalked over to the mini refrigerator in the corner. It was a dark greenish grey, band stickers coating it. There was a sign above it; it said “Loose Body Parts. Keep Cold.” The bartender bent down, opening the small fridge. A yellowish light poured from it, a cold breeze following. You wondered if this was the only thing that actually worked in this place. Dave opened the door wide enough for you to glimpse what was inside; Faygo, lots and lots of Faygo. Well no, that was not it. Behind the horde of Faygo were rows of Apple Juice, all labeled ‘Dave’s’. Dave reached his arm in and grabbed a bottle of Apple Juice, a chilly frost lining the bottle. He stood back up and walked back over to you and Jade. He slammed the bottle down in front of you, and sighed.

“From my own personal collection, don’t let this go to waste, my man. I’ve raised this baby from a seed and I won’t let him die in vain. Savor the flavor.” He said.

Jade giggled, “How come you don’t give me any of you Apple Juice?”

“They are my precious children and I am their Momma. Why should I let them be sucked of their internal organs without reason? This poor boy is thirsty, soaking wet and tired. If one of my thousands of children has to die to hydrate this young man, so be it.  But I shall not give away my AJ just because you want a drink. It’s a need, not a want.”

Dave finished dramatically, staring off into the distance.

“You just think he’s cute.”

Dave started choking.


	6. Can We Keep Him?

You ended up falling asleep at the counter after hours of talking with Dave and Jade. You were laughing and joking and then suddenly, bam, you were out.

\-------------------------------

Jade glanced over at the sleeping boy, and smiled; his cheeked were squished against the counter, glasses at an odd angle, and tiny hand gripping the Apple Juice bottle tightly. It was adorable! She giggled as she poked her fellow coworker and best friend, and pointed at the kid. He smirked, eyebrows rising.

“Finally tucked out? What a shame, he was fun to talk to.”

“Should we wake him up or let him sleep?” She stacked bottles up on a counter after wiping them clean, “It’s gonna be closing time in three hours.”

“Here, I’ll take him in the back and let him nap on the couch. We’ll wake him up when we leave.” Dave said as he walked from behind the counter and pried the bottle from the kid’s hand. He tossed it in the trashcan and then looked down at sleeping boy, wondering how he could pick him up. Wiping his hands on his apron (that totally did not say ‘Sexy Grandma’ on it), Dave put a hand underneath the kid’s armpits and the other hand under his knees, lifting him up easily.

“Holy shit, does this kid ever eat?”

Jade looked at the kid and then to Dave, “Should we feed him?”

“Nah, then he’ll start hanging around here.”

“Um, we already gave him something to drink.” She added.

“Oh shit, now we have to keep him.” Dave adjusted how he was holding him, making it more comfortable. “What are we gonna name him?”

“Hmmm…how about Danny?”

“Ew no, that’s a horrible name.”

“William?”

“What is he, a well-adjusted forty-year-old man living in the city with a good job?”

Jade rolled her eyes, “You name him, Dave.”

“We’ll call him Cutie.”

“Oh my god.”


	7. I'll Show You Mine, If You Show Me Yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> davesol?????? yesss????

You woke up in a strange room. It took you a minute to open your eyes and to let ‘holy shit, this is not my house, where am I’ settle in. You sat up, throwing the woolly blanket off your shoulders and into your lap. Scanning the room, your memories flew back to you. The wall was red, and there were band and anime posters everywhere. There were two couches, the black leather one you’re on and the tan one across the room. A coffee table sat in the middle, on the surface lied beer cans and energy drinks along with an ashtray and a pack of cigs. You grimaced, that’s why it stunk. You jumped when the door opened, reveling Dave. He jumped when he saw you too.

“You’re awake. I was about to come in here and shake the shit out of you. Damn.” He said, walking over and grabbing a cigarette. You watched as he put it between his lips and lit it with the lighter he grabbed from his pocket. 

“What time I’th it?” You ask.

“It’s three thirty, thirty minutes past closing time, and six hours after your bedtime.”

“I don’t have a bedtime.”

“You should, you’re a kid.”

“I’m seventeen!”

Dave raised an eyebrow, “Still a kid in my eyes.”

You snorted and rubbed your face. You gagged when you realized your glasses were missing. “Where…where the fuck i’th my gla’the’th?” You sputtered, holding your hands over your eyes.

“Dude you butchered that word, but I’m guessing you want your glasses.” You shake softly, digging your blunt nails into your hair.

You feel a hand on your shoulder, Dave’s obviously. “Hey, look at me bro.” You shake your head ‘no’.

“Come on, please? I’ll help you find your glasses.” You don’t reply.

“I’ll let you borrow my shades if you look at me.”

You frown, thinking things over. You don’t want him to see your fucked up eyes, but then again, you want to get your glasses back and you want to know what Dave is hiding under his shades. “If I show you mine, you have to show me yours, dude.” He says.

“Fine.”

You slowly remove your hands from your eyes, looking down, embarrassed. You hear Dave suck in.

“Wow.”

“You have to show me your’th now...” You mumble. Dave removes  his shades and folded them up in his hand. The hand he placed on your shoulder moved to your chin, forcing your head up.

“Look at me.”

You look at him.


	8. Awkward Feelings

His eyes are red, and you mean _red._ It reminds you of blood, almost. You try to squeeze that image out of your head. The hand on your face is gentle and surprisingly soft. You had imagined his hands all rough and hard due to the amount of work he does. You watched him pick up glass earlier, with his bare hands. No broom. But now you are just reminding yourself how weak you are in comparison to him. The corners of Dave’s lips twitch, and you are hoping it was his version of a smile. You have noticed that he does not show much emotion, not as much as most people do. It interests you quite a bit.  

“You’re eye’th are really pretty…” You mumble.

“So are yours…” He replies. Your stomach flips, and you feel like you’re about to throw up. Not because you’re disgusted, but because no one has ever said that about your eyes before. It was always, ‘Your eyes are weird’, ‘Were you born that way?’, and ‘Are those real?’ You didn’t mind a few people asking you that when you had your glasses off, but suddenly you couldn’t take off your glasses for more than 0.5 seconds without a crowd of your peers poking and prodding at you.

After a while, all you heard was, “Did you see the weird Asian guy with the different coloured eyes?”

You shake yourself away from that, focusing back on Dave. “Um, uh…could we go…find-”

He jumps, “Oh, um, yeah. Let’s go do that.”

Dave shoves his shades onto your face before he stood up and motioned for you to follow. You slowly get up and follow him through the poster-covered door and back into the bar. It’s completely empty except for jade, who is wiping down the counter. “Hey sleepy head!” She calls.

You wave awkwardly.

Jade starts to smile, but then her expression turns into one of confusion, “Daaaaaaaaaave why is he wearing you shades?”

Dave sighs, looking around, and picking up things and looking under them. “I’m letting him borrow them while we try to find his glasses.”

“Oh!” She digs in her pocket and pulls out a tinted pair of glasses, “You mean these?”


End file.
